Laura scrawls

Laura's crawls

Personal as f*ck

The sun is up
I prepare to leave to work
Say bye and start going
At the last minute he
grabs and kisses me

Then doesn’t call
For few weeks
and I know it’s alright
we agreed on this

And still my ridiculous mind
wonders
yes-no, yes-no, yes-no
should I do something about it.

It pains me to admit
that I’m as shallow as he is
I don’t even like him that much
I just want to be liked myself

and I just wish for
one more night
and more acknowledgement
than I am worthy of the morning kisses.

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The most saddening part
of the human existence
or life
or universe,
you name it,
is the inability
to repeat
or relive
certain moments.
Read the rest of this entry »

God knows I’ve taken chances
I moved places
Conquered new cities
Every time I built something new of myself

I took chances
I flirted and I loved
Three times
I was the one who made the first step

It was successful twice
and very painful once
But I kept taking chances

I met with new people
I sang karaoke
I traveled alone and enjoyed it
I said no when I wanted to

God knows I am happy
I am alone now but not lonely
And when the time comes I want it to say on my grave –

she took chances

Numbers

Jess liked spinning and counting the things that flew past her. She claimed she counted one hundred twenty clocks on the wall once. She was spinning now and the grass beneath her feet was becoming a squished green mess. Jess wasn’t sure what she was counting that day as all that surrounded her were trees and more grass. She kept spinning and spinning until all the view mixed together into green and blue mass, so solid she thought she could reach it.

Jess stopped and sat on the ground. She counted the ants that were busily running nearby. Eight. She counted the freckles on her left arm, and then on the right. Thirty seven and twenty eight. Jess stopped herself from counting the flowers in the field. She knew that eventually she had to start counting what mattered. Jess concentrated.

Jake usually drinks one beer in 15 minutes in summer time. He drinks even faster if it’s a light beer. He’s been gone for 2 hours now. It takes him 10 minutes to get to the pub and order a drink. Scratch that, Jess remembered he’d be slower today as he’d be trying to make a good impression. So, five or six beers. Jess guessed Jake would come home at twenty past ten. This would be the one hundred and twenty first night in their new home. The problem was, Jess trusted numbers more than Jake. And numbers told her she needs to go back to her old home again. To leave this. To leave this summer.

Jess hated the numbers. She feared them because they were always right. She always obeyed them. Before Jake, she never even questioned them. Now, she wasn’t sure she liked this summer anymore. The numbers told her she would, but she didn’t. Jess went home, climbed upstairs and sat on their bed, counting every step.

A Fragment

Swaying in the rye fields
Playing my little violin
I belong to the gap between the seasons
Never quite grey and not rather colourful.

A Very Personal Poem

I love it when you do that thing
where, you know,
you look like that and say
that line

I love it when you smile
when I do that thing
and then you whisper
those words in my ear

I love it when we go there
to see them
We buy that wine from that store
and we sing those songs

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